We stood
Steady as the stars in the woods So happy-hearted And the warmth rang true inside these bones As the old pine fell we sang Just to bless the morning It was like he was the offspring of Jose Gonzales, and it was magical. Ben Howard. His heavy melodies made my stomach flutter and my cheeks turn sour from smiling too hard. We were only 12, my friend and I, when she showed me his album while we drew anime vampire characters for our future novel, but I knew then his music was something to cause my 16 year old self complete nostalgia when "Old Pine" came on during the winter. 'Cause everything will start again anew 'Cause everything just goes away my friend And every king knows it to be true And every kingdom must one day come I listened to "Everything" only when I was sad. It was a sad song. A beautiful, but complete heart-wrenching song about how everything ends, and no one, no song can change that. Even writing the lyrics, I can hear the chorus in my head. And the echoing, "Eh-eh-ehhh ooh-oh-oh-oooh", in his beautiful melodic voice. It hurts. I remember when I was little, still thinking that girls just "get" pregnant and that everyone lives forever while I played with my moms necklaces and tried on her too-big shoes, I had to find out that very single solitary thing comes to an end, even ourselves. I was on a camping trip with my friend Tiffany, who resembled the Camp Rock star Meaghan Martin quite a bit but she just "didn't see it", that we found our first shooting star. "Dear shooting star, I wish that mom and dad and Tiffany and chunky the cat and me and grandma and everyone else lives forever," I recited out of breath. And Tiffany's dad just looks at me, without thinking about the next words coming out of his mouth, and remarks, "Oh that ain't no shootin' star, that's just some rock burning up or some satellite dish in the sky". My heart sank. That's the point in time where I knew we would all end. The time I really lost my innocence. The song ends. I end. The end. And promise me this You'll wait for me only Scared of the lonely arms Surface, far below these burn And maybe, just maybe I'll come home "Promise" was that love song. That "darlin' I'm yours, you're mine" song. There's not much I think about when this song comes on besides my love. You know that feeling you get, that feeling of pure excitement like a kid on Christmas but ten times better because you're not a kid and this is genuine and the real stuff, when you hear one of your favorite songs in a movie or on the radio or in public? And you just feel so content and pure because you claimed that song for your own when you were 12 years old. When you first heard it. That's how I felt when I heard "Promise" on the Chlöe Grace Moretz movie "If I Stay". And it was such a good scene. A love scene. The scene I would've conjured up in my 12 year old mind if I were asked what movie scene you would match to this song. It's that song that makes you vulnerable in love and your insecurities. But you love it anyways, because it's raw and you're in love. Who am I, darling for you? Who am I? Going to be a burden Who am I, darling to you? Who am I? I think of Ben Howard and I think of a lot of things. Showing my sophomore English teacher his first album because I knew he had tickets to Jose Gonzales. 13 year old me, setting up my miniature Christmas tree in my bedroom, with the yellow bug wallpaper and the princess vanity bed, hearing "Everything" come on. Still hearing it today and crying for my innocence back. Showing my mom and dad "Old Pine" and watching as they weren't as amused and I was when Heather showed it to me, but that's okay. It's all okay in a way. Singing every solitary word when it comes on, like its my last. Like they're all my last.
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AuthorGrace Willcox. High school student. Likes to think of herself as cunning & witty. Probably isn't. Enjoy. Archives
March 2017
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