I am an only child. I was sort of a big deal as a baby because if my mother had waited just a little bit longer to have me, she wouldn't have been able to. It makes me sad sometimes to see my boyfriend argue with his brother, or complain about how he never appreciates him, when in all reality they love each other more than anything, and I know Ronan is going to be crushed in a couple of weeks when Phillip goes to college.
My house was always a mini safe haven for kids without homes. Family friends, neighbors, best friends. My family and I went through a cycle of having people stay with us whenever their lives were too complicated or unfair to keep them around. Sometimes it was days. Most times times it was weeks. We even had my mom's coworkers daughter live with us throughout her second year of college. But everyone who lived with us I was close with, and I loved having my own sister or brother whenever it happened. My mom's childhood made the word "hard" look like an understatement. She dealt with a messy divorce, to say the least, a mother who acted more like the evil step mother from Cinderella, and trying to take care of her three siblings while working two jobs and going to school. Her family made the term "Blood is thicker than water" look like complete horseshit, to tell you the truth. Before my dad and her got married, it was a constant cycle of taking care of everyone but herself. She tells me stories about how when I was only an infant, she would have to work 7 days a week for two years, just to keep me in daycare, and just to keep their heads from sinking under the water. I stopped complaining about taking so many shifts after that. I'm lucky to have her as a mom. I really am. She worked hard so that my life would be easy. I remember when I was 7 and I met the only neighborhood friends I would ever have, Elizabeth and Forest. Forest as my age, and whined like no boy I had ever seen, and Elizabeth was 3 years older than the both of us. She was wearing jean overalls and a Kiss t-shirt when we met, and if I recall correctly, I was engulfed from head to toe in nothing but light, airy-fairy pink. It was like the day I walked into Hot Topic asking where the One Direction CD's were located. I remember changing my color from pink to green after that, and to this day I feel so silly for trying to act like a tom-boy, because she knew all along I secretly wanted to be the princess of every story. After being friends for about 3 or 4 years, they lived with us for 2 weeks while they finalized the selling of their house, and then moved to Texas. Elizabeth came back a few years later, but I haven't seen her since. When I was in the third grade I met my best friend Kaytlin. She is probably the closest thing to a sister I've ever had. She knew every dirty secret I've ever attempted to bury deep beneath my skin, and as flawed as she was, she never shared them with anyone. She ditched me time and time again for other friends, but I just thought it was because we were young. It's third grade, Grace. Get over it. Until I realized that she was doing the same thing all the way into freshman year. I slowly began to realize while she was registering to a new high school at the end of our 9th grade term, that as much as she knew about me, as many times as I came to her and sobbed about the boy that called me names, or that I wasn't good enough, or that I wanted to run away from home, I didn't know any of her secrets. And she hated crying in public. I felt used and taken for granted for a long time. But some small sliver of me still thinks of her as family. Even though we don't talk anymore, even though we don't go to the same schools and probably never will, my heart feels slightly better every time I drive past her street on my way to work. As many people as I have in my life, I'm jealous of that bond that siblings share. But at least I have my whole life to discover best friends, and new forms of family. The good thing about having zero to no relatives surrounding you, is that it gives you the chance to choose your own.
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AuthorGrace Willcox. High school student. Likes to think of herself as cunning & witty. Probably isn't. Enjoy. Archives
March 2017
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