Step 1: Realize that even as a young girl, you already had an internalized fear towards men. You understood that you were vulnerable, and that they had some sort of power over you, and even though this is ridiculous because the only person who can make your decisions for you is yourself, still comprehend that that "power" they had was intertwined so deeply inside of them, it became hard to identify what it was. But to you, it was terrifying.
At the age of 15, begin understanding that other girls felt like you. Afraid to walk outside at night, afraid of anyone following you on your drive home or in the mall, afraid of every single man you graze shoulders with as you walk along the sidewalk to wherever your heading. Begin to feel used and angry. Don't stop feeling this way. Step 2: Begin to discover more and more facts about the inequality for women and other systematically non-dominant groups, such as the gender wage gap, mothers who are shamed into staying home and taking care of the children instead of creating a steady income for themselves or their families, rape victims, male and female, who are shunned, never taken seriously, or treated as though somehow if they "weren't at that party like everyone else and stayed home" this terrible act wouldn't have happened to them. As if somehow they provoked it. Learn about how African American women make even less than a white woman, and how Latina women make still less than the rest of us, and how when someone says to you, "That's irrelevant because my wife makes more than me/I make more than my husband", it stings. It stings because their vision is so secure into their own lives that they can't look into the lives of others through multiple lenses and realize that our experiences with gender differs because of our race, class, ethnicity, sexuality, ability, and age. Tell them they're wrong. Feel gratitude in your heart when someone else realizes that they were wrong as well. Step 3: Take an online History class and read your textbook, something you've never done in your entire life because high school was a breeze and you could basically bullshit through anything. Read about the Paleolithic societies and the Neolithic Era and discover that "hunter/gatherer" was not just a survival mechanism for the finest. It was the beginning of the division of labor based off of gender. Embrace the fact that every key piece of evidence our world has discovered and labeled as history was only discovered because us, women, were forced to stay in the shelters we created, take care of the children, gather berries and other small goods, and when our "husbands" (Paleolithic societies were just beginning to form the idea of marriage) came home from a hard day of getting far more opportunities to become a leader of a pack, or creating something that would propel us 5000 years in the future, we would be there cooking. As if all we're here to do is sit and listen from the sidelines. Because that was all we were ever deemed good for. The books we read in school are written by men. Our view of the world is through the lens of a man. And if it weren't for the second and first wave of feminism, we would still be labeled by the state with a great, big, red stamp on our foreheads, "Property of a Man". We were the equivalent of a house to our husbands. We, human beings that occupy over half the population, with ideas and intelligence and care and confidence, were in the same comparison as a two story building slapped together by plywood and brick. If we refused our husbands sex, because god forbid we didn't feel well or we simply did not want to perform that act at any given time, they had every right to force us into having it. Think about that. If someone had the complete and utter permission, the same as you and I have to wear clothes or write a poem or go to school, to force themselves upon you. And no one would do a thing about it. That's all you were good for. They were wrong. And we are so much more than that. Step 4: Take a women's studies class, and be opened up to so many things you didn't realize before, no matter how woke you thought you were. Realize that language is so important, and that some things you didn't even understand were slurs, were indeed slurs. Start to feel less ashamed that you consider yourself a feminist, and more confident to tell someone if they asked. Learn the definition. Really learn it. Learn the one that you want to embody, because yes, the entire first and second wave of feminism excluded African American women, and Asian American women, and Native American women, and women with disabilities, and non-conforming women, and any woman that was anything but white and heterosexual. Understand that. But don't practice it. Because equality isn't for white heterosexual women. Or even just women. It's for everyone. Step 5: Be okay with the fact that not everyone in your life is going to like, respect, or tolerate your decision. Be patient and kind to those who don't understand. After all, they've had this societal belief system ingrained in them since the beginning of 250,000 B.C.E. Be okay with being labeled as an extremist. Because you are. Your actions are not extreme. Your ideas are not extreme. But your feelings towards the oppression of people like you who fit into the category of "targets", they are indeed extreme. And that's okay. It's okay to be angry, and hostile, and loud about his oppression. It's encouraged.
5 Comments
Sedona
10/6/2016 10:09:40 am
Grace I always love your writing. This is so amazing. -Sedona
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Michelle
10/6/2016 04:50:15 pm
Wow. This is empowering to all the women in the world, that we do have a voice. Btw your writing is deep, inspirational, and emotional.
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Jatos
10/9/2016 09:40:02 pm
You're growing, Grace.
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Gavin
10/19/2016 12:16:19 pm
I am awe struck on how good your writing is becoming, you should be on the New York Times Best Seller List. Very empowering message to all women in the world.
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Nix Pendergast
1/30/2017 01:42:40 pm
I still love your writing and this is a good topic! Thanks for sharing!
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AuthorGrace Willcox. High school student. Likes to think of herself as cunning & witty. Probably isn't. Enjoy. Archives
March 2017
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