"We fuck." These are the words my boyfriend utters to me, mouth full of mac and cheese, when I ask him, What are some lovey things we do? Joking of course. I mean, I made him the mac and cheese. Well technically it was mine, he reheated it, but I'm okay with it because he's hungry and he knows I won't eat it. It was all we had at the house. But that's lovey, right? He's currently telling me that it's probably not a good idea to start out a public post on the internet with, "We fuck". But he's also chuckling in between this sentence, so I think it's funny enough to keep. I have been a hermit at his house for almost a week now while his parents are in Germany, because if he were to stay at my house, no one would be here to take care of the dog, Otto. So we've been home all day, listening to the rain. Him playing Xbox, me having minor meltdowns over intense math homework, him singing in between breaks on the couch, "Ba-ba-ba, do ya love me?" in a kitschy tune, me replying with, "Yes". I sit and type and think to myself about how we came to this point, of pure comfort with one another. How we can mutter "Hmmm" back and forth with one another, in higher pitched tones, then lower pitched tones, then just stopping as if nothing happened? How can I sit here and listen to his adorable commentary about whatever new game he's playing, dropping multiple f-bombs, and ending every sentence with, "Right, babe?", because he knows how much it all makes me laugh? I didn't stop and think about the comfort that two people can share until now. We don't just make crude jokes and slap them randomly into blogs. We are a very caring, compassionate, and equal couple. Like when I slave away for 2-8 hours doing homework that I never thought I would have to work so hard to do, and I eventually end up a sobbing mess in his bathroom because I've never been so average before college, he scoops me up, wraps me in his giant blue and white comforter his mom bought him when he was probably 9, and wipes away the tears, repeating, "You're doing just fine. It's going to be okay." And he's always done this. Since the day I met him. I don't recall a time where he's just let me sit and cry, not even if we've just gone through hell and back in an argument and I've been a raging lunatic. "It's going to be okay". It's always okay. I find myself being completely and 100% okay with him rambling, calling me homie in between stories, commenting on the intense "war music" that's playing in the background. Because it makes me so happy, so warm inside, that I have someone that doesn't take themselves so seriously. That isn't worried if they're talking too much, because they're not. They're just perfect. I wonder how we got to this amount of comfort in such little time. We've been together for almost 11 months, but it feels like marriage. I remember a couple weeks ago I had to cook dinner because my parents were out with friends for the night. I decided on chili, and I vividly recall the conversation between him and I, as I called from the kitchen, "BABE! I NEED YOU TO GO GET ME SOME SHREDDED CHEESE!" And his reply from the living room, "YEAH SURE WHAT KIND?" "GET THE OFF BRAND, IT'S CHEAPER! OH AND I NEED FRENCH BREAD!" "OKAY, CAN I TAKE YOUR CAR?" he asks. "YEAH, SURE! THERE SHOULD BE ENOUGH GAS!" We do things like this often. It makes me wonder how people find living together so hard. We thrive off of being with each other. For some odd reason, being apart and communicating through the shit-sphere of technology is when we get into our biggest fights. But I find myself being okay, excited even, with the idea of spending a week cooped up in the house together, the living room curtains open, watching the rain like gray static outside, listening to his same old commentary. And I think that's what everyone wants. Just someone to be around and to be okay with being around. Even if it's for hours on end. I laugh at how he says Ikea like Ee-kay-a, even though I know that's the right pronunciation. I laugh when I rush to get ready, and he throws me on the couch instead, telling me to relax. "You'll have enough time". I laugh when he climbs on top of my lap while I'm typing this, threatening to sit on my laptop if I don't kiss him immediately, and then runs back to his video game. I laugh constantly. I've only been around for 17 years. I've only been this happy once. With him. And as little as teens are supposed to know about love, I think I know just enough. I think love is when you come home really late from work and he's wide awake, waiting for you on the couch, a big smile on his face while you walk through the door. "I went to Javier's for dinner, but you can have the rest of my burrito. Or we can go out and get you something to eat, whatever you like." Love is when he makes fun of you, or utters a crude joke, and then as you begin to stomp off in between giggles because you have to admit that it was hilarious, he starts screaming hysterically, "BABY COME BACK, BABE, BABE, PLEASE COME BACK, BABYYY!" Love is when you both can make sex jokes, and still understand silently that neither of you are wanting that. Or when he drops everything to give you a ride somewhere, because you're sobbing at what your mom said and how she "forgot" that you had theater that day. Or when you bump your car in the Fred Meyer's parking lot down the street from his house, because as much as you two wanted a delightful breakfast, you didn't have groceries, leaving you with a dinged up front end and a second away from a panic attack. He dropped everything. He always drops everything. Love is complete and utter reliance on one another, whether it be the small things or the big things. Bringing him Taco Bell when he's sick, or picking him up from the airport because you've been without each other for a week and a half. It's continuing to go through hell and back, continuing to change, and stay the same, and letting each other grow however you have to. However you know how to. That's love. That's the love I have.
13 Comments
Skye
10/19/2016 09:43:07 am
I have read many books that display a teenage love... You have wrote something like no other because it's real. I know it's real without knowing him at all or you that well! In the middle of reading this I had to stop because the bell rang... Nathan walked me to class and I am not sure why but reading this made me take a second while walking to honestly just think about how happy I actually am. I don't know how to explain it but it's a crazy feeling to be this happy with someone, constantly. It made me realize that what I thought I had before wasn't real... You are a beautiful human. This was beautiful. -Skye
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Nick Acosta
10/19/2016 10:00:11 am
Relationship goals.
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Nathan Barnes
10/19/2016 10:34:54 am
This was really great, it is so comical and so serious at the same time! I have never related more to a peice of writing in my lifetime.
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Grace
10/19/2016 10:52:10 am
Nathan and Skye I love you both so much. Thank you ❤️
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Isabella
10/19/2016 08:42:11 pm
I wanted to read blogs that I normally wouldn't and I'm glad I read yours. It was funny, cute, hopeful, and I honestly didn't think that what you have was even possible. At least not in high school. I'm happy you have this love in your life.
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Nicole
10/20/2016 11:59:44 am
SO CUTE!!! Great writing. I absolutely loved reading this ❤️
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Isabel
10/22/2016 01:42:48 pm
This was so beautiful, cute, and real all the same time. Great writing Grace like always, just another masterpiece by you that I loved!
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Jatos
10/23/2016 05:55:47 pm
You've waited years to be able to start an essay like this...
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Grace
10/23/2016 05:56:27 pm
I'm just as surprised as you are, Jatos
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Mihkayla
10/23/2016 07:09:43 pm
I haven't been in my feels more than I am right now. I would kill to have a relationship just like yours. I can feel your love towards him just radiating through the text. LOVED READING THIS
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Bakes
10/27/2016 09:53:22 am
Jatos is sitting with me right now making me read this. He told me the first line and I whipped my phone right out.
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Nix Pendergast
1/30/2017 01:56:46 pm
This is really cute and I love the opening! XD thanks for sharing!
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AuthorGrace Willcox. High school student. Likes to think of herself as cunning & witty. Probably isn't. Enjoy. Archives
March 2017
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